I?m a month away, now, from my grandmother?s husband?s death. ?This was her 4th husband. ?She is 90 years old, and each of her fellas has died. ?Her own health isn?t very good. ?My grandmother does have family to help, as well as an employed family friend. Thank goodness she has all of that, and yet I know it all still felt like just too much to go through. ?How lonely to loose your partner, how silent the house, how foggy the future. What are the late nights like now, for her, when she can?t hear another person breathing down the hall? ?And what was the hospital like? Had she said to herself ? ?he will come home this time, he always does. And where will she live? ?The house belonged to her husband, but his daughter has been the upstairs tenant. ?Will his daughter now sell the house, or rent my grandmother?s living space for income? ?After all, she cares for her own paralyzed husband. ?My questions don?t stop. ?
When I think about it, my mind gets stuck on what it must be like to age with death so often at hand. ?I?m in my early 40s, and I haven?t quite hit that stage with my peers starting to pass on, but I know it?s a?comin?. In general, my experience with death has been of the early-in-life variety, or just academic. ?I?m eventually going to talk about acupuncture, here, but let me first tell you about how a young nerd, such as myself, surrounded herself with deathy matters.?
I can easily say that the most powerful death experience in my life thus far is my father?s suicide more than 10 years ago. (I don?t even know what tense to write that sentence in). Probably the most professionally formative, however, would have been my years volunteering on a suicide hotline.
As a framework for how I have viewed death and dying, I should say that since I was a kid, I?ve always been pretty interested in death as subject matter.
I wanted to be an Egyptologist when was I was 7 (I?ve since learned that?s not an uncommon aspiration among career-minded, preteen nerds). ? From about that age through high school, I was obsessed with books about World War II prison camps and post war Russian prison camps. ?I figured if someone could survive something like a prison camp, I could survive my lower middle class existence pretty well. And of course, when I was 13, I discovered the color black, the skull as a design motif, and dark punk music and electronica. ?This is why my undergrad thesis was on ways culture and society define our death experiences, and how contemporary life has done away with so many rituals that helped people ?pass on? from our First World lives. ?These random experiences set me up to be certain that I would study to become a bereavement counselor. ?Oh the drama! Obviously, though, ?that?s not the career path I took, once I found out that there was more to life than death. Funny that took me until I was in my extreme late twenties.
And so here I am, more than ten years later, in my early forties ? and I am beginning research into how to get my acupuncture services into a hospice! ?A friend recently asked me if I had ever heard of a death-doula. ?I certainly had not, but was mightily interested. ?They can be referred to as death-midwives, as well as some other names. ?Amazing, right? I?ve had birth doulas, which I can?t recommend enough. Doulas are AWESOME. But a death doula? ?Someone to advocate for the patient and family in a very special way? Here is a link to a death doula site. How wonderful to have have someone dedicated to helping people live in the foggy realm of the dying, and to assist survivors to come back home.?
For myself, the idea of being able to meld my historic interest in death and dying with my profession as an acupuncturist, seems perfect.
Acupuncture ? to help the body to ground and also let go, as needed. ?To help with pain and discomfort. ?To help with nausea, to help with mood changes. ?All of these issues, for dying people and the ones around them, can be addressed with acupuncture and herbs. ?
Breathwork ? to help calm the mind and nervous system, to ease digestion, to quell panic. To accept and manage pain. To accompany dying, the last few moments or hours. Exercises to do with loved ones, all together and alone, while living through the experience of someone dying.?
Do you know anyone who has had acupuncture for death and dying issues? Have you had a death doula? I?m fascinated by these things and want to learn more. ?And I hope, ?as I create a 5 year plan for my business Hundred Grasses, to begin some work with this population.?
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